forgetgutenberg

I finally got fed up with my hostile work environment problem, and talked to some people about it.

I don’t have a lot of hope that anything is going to get done, but … well, I do know that now I am not going to shut up about it. I want to at least make it impossible to continue shoving the problem under the rug.

So there’s that. Now I’m spending way more time than I should be wondering why I had so much trouble getting past the shame, to say something. Why do I feel guilty about someone else’s abusive behavior?

Some of it is that I should have seen through it sooner. Some of it is that I should be able to take it.

Well, see, that’s wrong.

I shouldn’t be in a position where my management is saying terrible (mostly untrue) things about people I work with in the first place. I shouldn’t be in a position where my management can get away with faffing about all day, and then accuse me (as long as there are no witnesses) of not doing my job.

Right.

And I’ve been talking to people I didn’t talk to before, because I finally feel comfortable in this place.

I think … well, I think I’m starting to not hate books as much. I still hate them as physical objects, but I think there’s hope for them as text. I’m still worrying about what we’re going to do to make them less disposable.

(Ok, I still want to know what was going on with that one girl, but … she was nice. Nice, and nothing else. Which is probably serving her much better elsewhere, and I certainly hope that I’m right.)

And back to silence: some of why I didn’t say anything earlier was that I don’t want to call sexual harassment. It isn’t, and never has been. Any off-color comments or jokes have been made in a context that was, if not appropriate, at least reasonable. It’s “just” a hostile work environment. And there you go – I’m sitting here, feeling like it’s ridiculous that I have to make this much noise about something that I think of as minor, except it’s not minor. It’s been making me miserable for three years. That’s not minor.

Somebody is going to listen. Somebody is going to have to step up and do the right thing, somewhere along the line, and I am going to make noise.

Remind me of that, in six weeks, when I’m back to being scared.

I thought that it was related to the rain, but … I’m not so sure. The streaks were still there even after a couple of days without rain. And it’s the kind of pattern that I think I might want to use for … something. Eventually.

Anyway. So, since I had to be at work today, I decided to take a nice long walk on the way in, and take a detour to actually look at this house.

It might be my favorite house, ever. Despite its slightly weathered appearance. There’s a sign for a construction company up in front of it, but no real evidence that anything’s being done to it. Who knows, though. It would be a shame for it to just continue fading. Seriously – do you see those ridiculously awesome window frames? Also. Round house. Dude. Fantastic.

One day, I will live in a house this awesome. Until then, I think I am going to make it my goal to wander around town finding all the interesting buildings – there are a lot of them.